Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Venting blog # 1

These tears I cry will not seem to pass. These tears I cry are falling, every second of the hour. I asked myself, and I have asked God, WHY ME! I am learning that I can NOT continue to ask God, WHY Me!? Because God has nothing to do with this bad decision. My curious thoughts became my lustful desire. These lustful desire got in the way of my reality and became my choice. I put myself into a messy situation. I knew from the beginning what it would turn out to be. My mind told me several times to stop, but my heart got in the way. My heart wanted to feel my curious thoughts. I wanted to know how good you taste, how your skin felt against mine, and how many times I could make you cum in a minute. However, my heart wanted to stop from being so curious because I got what I wanted and my desire was met. I got selfish and I got greedy, I wanted more and more until that day my heart got ripped into small pieces because you were living out your fantasies with that other girl. The pain hurts soo much to find out, I am not the only girl in your life. Now, my heart wants the pain to stop. My mind is so tired of justifying the bullshit. I am feeling miserable thinking that she just took my place. That she is fulfilling your every desire that I couldnt. That now, I don't matter to you. Because she's everything you you imagine to be. I hope she'll be happy when the truth comes to light. You're the chapter that I'll be closing. I hope you will ne happy to be getting your fifteen minutes of my time, and thoughts cuz once my door is closed it won't be open again. So thank you for making me into the person you see today. Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for letting me see the person you are before getting deeper in love with you. Thank you to myself for helping me learn the differences between love and lust!

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