Believe
My heart is weak, my soul is deep with words I cannot speak
But, would you listen, if I spoke out loud,
Will you understand,
And believe what I am saying is true
I prefer to show you through my actions
Take you through a journey of my thoughts
So when my words are spoke
Walls are broken
I welcome you inside of my heart
I speak,
But I will you hear me,
No words are spoken back
Do you not hear me
How much I care
How much I want to be there
Through
Thick and thin,
Don't take my soft heart,
For granted
Do you not see my passionate through my action,
Or do you not care
Do you not feel my caring heart
I don't know how much more
To say,
To make you believe in me
My heart is weak, my soul is deep
With words I cannot speak
Do you believe
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Jar of Hearts
No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
Dear, It took so long just to feel all right
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
Dear, It took so long just to feel all right
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
venting blog
Last night having a conversation with my best friend, she made me realize how much of a bitter person I was. For someone reason, we started to talk about bisexual people. She asked me, how I felt about bisexual(s). I believe,being gay myself, that I don't agree with bisexual. I believe a bisexual person is confuse about their own sexuality. Especially if he or she has kids, I felt that if you have one kid then you are experiencing with your sexuality. But, if you have more then one kid like 3 or more, then you know what you like because you keep taking the dick as you don't seem to realize those gay feelings. I just believe IF he or she feels like they might be gay, then before having kids try it out. Because for me its unfair and unrighteousness for that child to have to go through seeing your bisexual ways. Either that child is going to have 2 mothers, 2 fathers, or a mother and a father, but they child shouldn't have to witness seeing soo many males and soo many females in your bisexual life. So I am talking blah, blah, blah, and my friend made me realize that I was bitter and being really judgement only because of my past experience.
She stopped me, and made me come back to reality. She told me that I was being judgmental and bitter because it didn't make any sense to her that a bisexual person had to choice what sex they could be with. Maybe its about what works for them at the point in there life. She also made me realize that why should a bisexual person, have to decided what sex they prefer. Could it be just that person or could it be that journey that lead them to that person. Well o k she had a great point.
Life can lead us onto different direction in life!!! With a clear mind and a open heart this is how I feel today.
I believe, if you want to be bisexual then that is on you. If you like males one day and females another day, then that is also on you. Whatever makes you happy is on you. However, I believe that some bisexual people do give the gay community a bad name. For a fact that for a person who knows they've been gay all their life is hard. Its hard coming out. Its hard to accepting being gay because of society. Its hard being gay. Its hard being bisexual because you like both. Its just hard to understand the gay community if you are NOT gay. I just believe that a person should have more of a respect of being gay or being straight, to me again, it gives the gay community a bad rap, and there are enough challenges for the gay community, without society viewing gays as "confused".
Just coming from past experience and what I had to deal with. Some male and female say their gay for a trend. It just seems like the whole world is going gay. Some males and females will only say that they are gay because of what they have dealt in their past. For example, some males and females will say they are gay because they've been hurt by a male or female, so they will try out this new trend to not think about the pain from getting hurt from their past relationship. So that person will rush to be with someone to fill up the space from hurt, pain, and grief. Which I think many can agree. Still,I have noticed that some males and females will say they are gay only to gain what they want in life such as money, a house, or whatever. I call these gay people fake gay people because they are looking after their on needs and not others. It is hard for me to swallow a fake gay person only because of my own past experience. Which is wrong and selfish. Whose to say these fake gay people will one day receive my best friend karma.
I have to admit to myself that I was speaking from the core of being bitter. I am bitter right now, but bitter will go away in due time. I am only bitter because of what I have went through. I can't say that all women will be like the one I wanted to be in a relationship with because they want be. I can't say, she messed me up or messed up my thinking process because she didn't. She taught me something about relationships. I can't be bitter because she chose to be a fake gay person in the end. But whose to say..what!!!
So in the end yess I got hurt, and yess my feelings were hurt too! So of course whenI speak to others about a subject THAT I have past experience I will speak from past experience but I can't justify what is right and what is wrong. And I can't justify what happen from one person. I can't!! Thats unfair and not fair for the next person who will come into my life.
Whose to say that me and that person who hurt will continue to be friends or not. I believe people change! And when I say I am a person who will be there in the end. I am that person because I am a true friend!!!
She stopped me, and made me come back to reality. She told me that I was being judgmental and bitter because it didn't make any sense to her that a bisexual person had to choice what sex they could be with. Maybe its about what works for them at the point in there life. She also made me realize that why should a bisexual person, have to decided what sex they prefer. Could it be just that person or could it be that journey that lead them to that person. Well o k she had a great point.
Life can lead us onto different direction in life!!! With a clear mind and a open heart this is how I feel today.
I believe, if you want to be bisexual then that is on you. If you like males one day and females another day, then that is also on you. Whatever makes you happy is on you. However, I believe that some bisexual people do give the gay community a bad name. For a fact that for a person who knows they've been gay all their life is hard. Its hard coming out. Its hard to accepting being gay because of society. Its hard being gay. Its hard being bisexual because you like both. Its just hard to understand the gay community if you are NOT gay. I just believe that a person should have more of a respect of being gay or being straight, to me again, it gives the gay community a bad rap, and there are enough challenges for the gay community, without society viewing gays as "confused".
Just coming from past experience and what I had to deal with. Some male and female say their gay for a trend. It just seems like the whole world is going gay. Some males and females will only say that they are gay because of what they have dealt in their past. For example, some males and females will say they are gay because they've been hurt by a male or female, so they will try out this new trend to not think about the pain from getting hurt from their past relationship. So that person will rush to be with someone to fill up the space from hurt, pain, and grief. Which I think many can agree. Still,I have noticed that some males and females will say they are gay only to gain what they want in life such as money, a house, or whatever. I call these gay people fake gay people because they are looking after their on needs and not others. It is hard for me to swallow a fake gay person only because of my own past experience. Which is wrong and selfish. Whose to say these fake gay people will one day receive my best friend karma.
I have to admit to myself that I was speaking from the core of being bitter. I am bitter right now, but bitter will go away in due time. I am only bitter because of what I have went through. I can't say that all women will be like the one I wanted to be in a relationship with because they want be. I can't say, she messed me up or messed up my thinking process because she didn't. She taught me something about relationships. I can't be bitter because she chose to be a fake gay person in the end. But whose to say..what!!!
So in the end yess I got hurt, and yess my feelings were hurt too! So of course whenI speak to others about a subject THAT I have past experience I will speak from past experience but I can't justify what is right and what is wrong. And I can't justify what happen from one person. I can't!! Thats unfair and not fair for the next person who will come into my life.
Whose to say that me and that person who hurt will continue to be friends or not. I believe people change! And when I say I am a person who will be there in the end. I am that person because I am a true friend!!!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how love is so great, but that's bullshit. Love hurts!!! Having a broken heart fucking hurts!!! Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling!!! Your feelings are a part of you. You are your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Just a Thought!!
I want a late night adventure. I want someone to call me up and say, “I’m outside. Let’s go do something!” I want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. Maybe drive around. Go to a park and just swing on the swings. Maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. I just want a late night adventure with people I like to be around. No drama. Nothing but good vibes and good company.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Venting blog # 1
These tears I cry will not seem to pass. These tears I cry are falling, every second of the hour. I asked myself, and I have asked God, WHY ME! I am learning that I can NOT continue to ask God, WHY Me!? Because God has nothing to do with this bad decision. My curious thoughts became my lustful desire. These lustful desire got in the way of my reality and became my choice. I put myself into a messy situation. I knew from the beginning what it would turn out to be. My mind told me several times to stop, but my heart got in the way. My heart wanted to feel my curious thoughts. I wanted to know how good you taste, how your skin felt against mine, and how many times I could make you cum in a minute. However, my heart wanted to stop from being so curious because I got what I wanted and my desire was met. I got selfish and I got greedy, I wanted more and more until that day my heart got ripped into small pieces because you were living out your fantasies with that other girl. The pain hurts soo much to find out, I am not the only girl in your life. Now, my heart wants the pain to stop. My mind is so tired of justifying the bullshit. I am feeling miserable thinking that she just took my place. That she is fulfilling your every desire that I couldnt. That now, I don't matter to you. Because she's everything you you imagine to be. I hope she'll be happy when the truth comes to light. You're the chapter that I'll be closing. I hope you will ne happy to be getting your fifteen minutes of my time, and thoughts cuz once my door is closed it won't be open again. So thank you for making me into the person you see today. Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for letting me see the person you are before getting deeper in love with you. Thank you to myself for helping me learn the differences between love and lust!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Then you kiss my cheek, my knees get weak, my heart just skipped a beat, So I just froze When you touch me there, I knew you would, and girl you touched me good, I'm like uh-oh. What am I gon do when I can't get anymore, I'd rather not know. Cause, if you wanna know the truth, nobody makes me come like you. I can't let my mind, think of you, I'll hit that dial and get you, on the phone. Cause baby, it's just not the physical, I got with you, I'm addicted to your moan.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I have a Crush on You
I have a crush on you,
I know it is for real.
Not like any other crushes I used to have,
This one I can feel.
When you walk by me,
My heart start to race.
When I stare at you,
I feel your warm embrace.
We rarely talk at all,
Not even a ?hi? down the hall.
Then how did I fall for you?
How did I know this crush is true?
Maybe it’s your smile,
And your other that and this.
Maybe it’s your eyes,
That I just can’t resist.
You overflow my head,
With your words that I would overheard.
I even dream about you,
Which I think is just absurd!
I know you know,
That I have a crush on you.
I hope you feel the same,
But that’s just too untrue.
I finally decided,
To tell you how I feel.
I just need to know what you?ll say,
What you will reveal.
You may say ? I’m sorry,
I don’t like you at all.?
Or a simple ?yes,
You?re the girl I’m waiting for?
It is worth the try ,
And as they always say,
Any one can be your friend,
But only one, can be your soul mate.
I know it is for real.
Not like any other crushes I used to have,
This one I can feel.
When you walk by me,
My heart start to race.
When I stare at you,
I feel your warm embrace.
We rarely talk at all,
Not even a ?hi? down the hall.
Then how did I fall for you?
How did I know this crush is true?
Maybe it’s your smile,
And your other that and this.
Maybe it’s your eyes,
That I just can’t resist.
You overflow my head,
With your words that I would overheard.
I even dream about you,
Which I think is just absurd!
I know you know,
That I have a crush on you.
I hope you feel the same,
But that’s just too untrue.
I finally decided,
To tell you how I feel.
I just need to know what you?ll say,
What you will reveal.
You may say ? I’m sorry,
I don’t like you at all.?
Or a simple ?yes,
You?re the girl I’m waiting for?
It is worth the try ,
And as they always say,
Any one can be your friend,
But only one, can be your soul mate.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Romantic Collision
In my mind lies a thought
a wonderful assumption
of an imaginary bump
so delightful and ecstatic
coming across my dream love
in such romantic collision.
With a passionate apology
a reciprocating handshake
mind blowing flashback
placing the familiarity
of your captivating beauty
in our once but lost
thrilling encounter.
A look of love at second sight
getting acquainted again for love
a steady gaze at charming eyes
getting carried away by lust.
Taking you back to past events
our long nice romantic stroll
of intense feelings being expressed
pleading then to be just a friend
when schooling split us up to part,
having to see your face no more
I’ve longed and longed and waited still
for such nice romantic collision.
Making sure we part no more
and having you all by my side
fixing up fast a date with you
with hope to see you once again.
A sweet share of intense feelings
and lovely share of sentiments
having such a sweet assumption
hold on realistic manifestation
of such nice imaginary passion
becoming but a true love story
of a sweet nice romantic collision.
a wonderful assumption
of an imaginary bump
so delightful and ecstatic
coming across my dream love
in such romantic collision.
With a passionate apology
a reciprocating handshake
mind blowing flashback
placing the familiarity
of your captivating beauty
in our once but lost
thrilling encounter.
A look of love at second sight
getting acquainted again for love
a steady gaze at charming eyes
getting carried away by lust.
Taking you back to past events
our long nice romantic stroll
of intense feelings being expressed
pleading then to be just a friend
when schooling split us up to part,
having to see your face no more
I’ve longed and longed and waited still
for such nice romantic collision.
Making sure we part no more
and having you all by my side
fixing up fast a date with you
with hope to see you once again.
A sweet share of intense feelings
and lovely share of sentiments
having such a sweet assumption
hold on realistic manifestation
of such nice imaginary passion
becoming but a true love story
of a sweet nice romantic collision.
Friday, May 20, 2011
I like You , but You don't know
Based on a true story!!!
When it comes down to it, you are all I even think about.
Everything we talk about, I have had the perfect smile on my face.
But it really does not matter. ‘Coz I know it will never happen.
I got a crush on you…
So there is this woman not only is she hot…
But she is also amazing, sweet, funny and smart…
All I can do is think about her
I think, Man, I wish you were mine.
I would rather argue with you than kiss someone else
You’re everything I am and how I wish you were here…
I am terrific liar, if you think I want to be just friends. Then think again, When I see you, I think, Wow, I got a crush you but were just friends.My mind is saying, You do stupid but my heart saying,Who cares
You will never understand how much I have a crush on you..
I promised myself that I would put an end to my feelings
But its not that easy
I can’t help wishing if only you were mine.
I have a crush on you…
You’re everything and more than just an amazing person …
I get so tired of living and covering up for what I cannot hide…
So tired up trying to impress even knowing the fact that nothing’s gonna change.
Maybe one day I can tell you my full story…
However, until then, I will dream and bury you in my heart.
Until the time comes that you will read my poetry and knowing, I had a crush on you…
When it comes down to it, you are all I even think about.
Everything we talk about, I have had the perfect smile on my face.
But it really does not matter. ‘Coz I know it will never happen.
I got a crush on you…
So there is this woman not only is she hot…
But she is also amazing, sweet, funny and smart…
All I can do is think about her
I think, Man, I wish you were mine.
I would rather argue with you than kiss someone else
You’re everything I am and how I wish you were here…
I am terrific liar, if you think I want to be just friends. Then think again, When I see you, I think, Wow, I got a crush you but were just friends.My mind is saying, You do stupid but my heart saying,Who cares
You will never understand how much I have a crush on you..
I promised myself that I would put an end to my feelings
But its not that easy
I can’t help wishing if only you were mine.
I have a crush on you…
You’re everything and more than just an amazing person …
I get so tired of living and covering up for what I cannot hide…
So tired up trying to impress even knowing the fact that nothing’s gonna change.
Maybe one day I can tell you my full story…
However, until then, I will dream and bury you in my heart.
Until the time comes that you will read my poetry and knowing, I had a crush on you…
Friday, April 1, 2011
lyrics for my X
Don't you want be strong with me You told me we could have a family Want to run to me when you're down and low But times get tough and there you go Out the door, you wanna run again Open your arms and you'll come back in Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraid Never knew what a friendship was Never knew how to really love You can't be what I need you to And I don't know why i fuck with you I know our love will never be the same But I can't stand the growing pains
Never knew that love could hurt like this Never thought I would but I got dissed Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside Feel embarrassed so I want to hide Silly me I thought your love was true Change my name to Silly E. Badu Before I heal, it's gonna be a while I know it's gonna be a while, chile
Never knew that love could hurt like this Never thought I would but I got dissed Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside Feel embarrassed so I want to hide Silly me I thought your love was true Change my name to Silly E. Badu Before I heal, it's gonna be a while I know it's gonna be a while, chile
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