tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24437308664626306072024-03-13T16:14:22.842-07:00My Way!!I like to vent in my journal. However, I am at the point in my life where I am willing to open up to the world, my family, and my friends about what goes on within. Being outspoken hasn't been my greatest strength, but now, i am willing to take a risk and a chance!!!Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-36903965791031485622011-12-10T10:12:00.000-08:002011-12-11T08:31:34.841-08:00A poem for Her...called BelieveBelieve<br /><br />My heart is weak, my soul is deep with words I cannot speak <br />But, would you listen, if I spoke out loud,<br />Will you understand,<br />And believe what I am saying is true<br />I prefer to show you through my actions<br />Take you through a journey of my thoughts<br />So when my words are spoke<br />Walls are broken <br />I welcome you inside of my heart<br />I speak,<br />But I will you hear me, <br />No words are spoken back <br />Do you not hear me<br />How much I care<br />How much I want to be there <br />Through<br />Thick and thin, <br />Don't take my soft heart, <br />For granted<br />Do you not see my passionate through my action,<br />Or do you not care<br />Do you not feel my caring heart<br />I don't know how much more <br />To say, <br />To make you believe in me<br />My heart is weak, my soul is deep<br />With words I cannot speak<br />Do you believeMs. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-41276475416078292042011-12-10T10:06:00.000-08:002011-12-10T10:07:42.879-08:00Jar of HeartsNo, I can't take one more step towards you<br />'Cause all that's waiting is regret<br />Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore<br />You lost the love I loved the most<br /><br />I learned to live half alive<br />And now you want me one more time<br /><br />And who do you think you are?<br />Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br />Collecting your jar of hearts<br />And tearing love apart<br />You're gonna catch a cold<br />From the ice inside your soul<br />So don't come back for me<br />Who do you think you are?<br /><br />I hear you're asking all around<br />If I am anywhere to be found<br />But I have grown too strong<br />To ever fall back in your arms<br /><br />I've learned to live half alive<br />And now you want me one more time<br /><br />And who do you think you are?<br />Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br />Collecting your jar of hearts<br />And tearing love apart<br />You're gonna catch a cold<br />From the ice inside your soul<br />So don't come back for me<br />Who do you think you are?<br /><br />Dear, It took so long just to feel all right<br />Remember how to put back the light in my eyes<br />I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed<br />'Cause you broke all your promises<br />And now you're back<br />You don't get to get me back<br /><br />And who do you think you are?<br />Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br />Collecting your jar of hearts<br />And tearing love apart<br />You're gonna catch a cold<br />From the ice inside your soul<br />So don't come back for me<br />Don't come back at all<br /><br />And who do you think you are?<br />Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br />Collecting your jar of hearts<br />And tearing love apart<br />You're gonna catch a cold<br />From the ice inside your soul<br />Don't come back for me<br />Don't come back at all<br /><br />Who do you think you are?<br /><br />Who do you think you are?<br /><br />Who do you think you are?Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-1997675473058518332011-12-10T08:25:00.000-08:002011-12-10T16:16:10.459-08:00venting blogLast night having a conversation with my best friend, she made me realize how much of a bitter person I was. For someone reason, we started to talk about bisexual people. She asked me, how I felt about bisexual(s). I believe,being gay myself, that I don't agree with bisexual. I believe a bisexual person is confuse about their own sexuality. Especially if he or she has kids, I felt that if you have one kid then you are experiencing with your sexuality. But, if you have more then one kid like 3 or more, then you know what you like because you keep taking the dick as you don't seem to realize those gay feelings. I just believe IF he or she feels like they might be gay, then before having kids try it out. Because for me its unfair and unrighteousness for that child to have to go through seeing your bisexual ways. Either that child is going to have 2 mothers, 2 fathers, or a mother and a father, but they child shouldn't have to witness seeing soo many males and soo many females in your bisexual life. So I am talking blah, blah, blah, and my friend made me realize that I was bitter and being really judgement only because of my past experience. <br /><br />She stopped me, and made me come back to reality. She told me that I was being judgmental and bitter because it didn't make any sense to her that a bisexual person had to choice what sex they could be with. Maybe its about what works for them at the point in there life. She also made me realize that why should a bisexual person, have to decided what sex they prefer. Could it be just that person or could it be that journey that lead them to that person. Well o k she had a great point.<br /><br />Life can lead us onto different direction in life!!! With a clear mind and a open heart this is how I feel today.<br /><br />I believe, if you want to be bisexual then that is on you. If you like males one day and females another day, then that is also on you. Whatever makes you happy is on you. However, I believe that some bisexual people do give the gay community a bad name. For a fact that for a person who knows they've been gay all their life is hard. Its hard coming out. Its hard to accepting being gay because of society. Its hard being gay. Its hard being bisexual because you like both. Its just hard to understand the gay community if you are NOT gay. I just believe that a person should have more of a respect of being gay or being straight, to me again, it gives the gay community a bad rap, and there are enough challenges for the gay community, without society viewing gays as "confused".<br /><br />Just coming from past experience and what I had to deal with. Some male and female say their gay for a trend. It just seems like the whole world is going gay. Some males and females will only say that they are gay because of what they have dealt in their past. For example, some males and females will say they are gay because they've been hurt by a male or female, so they will try out this new trend to not think about the pain from getting hurt from their past relationship. So that person will rush to be with someone to fill up the space from hurt, pain, and grief. Which I think many can agree. Still,I have noticed that some males and females will say they are gay only to gain what they want in life such as money, a house, or whatever. I call these gay people fake gay people because they are looking after their on needs and not others. It is hard for me to swallow a fake gay person only because of my own past experience. Which is wrong and selfish. Whose to say these fake gay people will one day receive my best friend karma. <br /><br />I have to admit to myself that I was speaking from the core of being bitter. I am bitter right now, but bitter will go away in due time. I am only bitter because of what I have went through. I can't say that all women will be like the one I wanted to be in a relationship with because they want be. I can't say, she messed me up or messed up my thinking process because she didn't. She taught me something about relationships. I can't be bitter because she chose to be a fake gay person in the end. But whose to say..what!!!<br /><br />So in the end yess I got hurt, and yess my feelings were hurt too! So of course whenI speak to others about a subject THAT I have past experience I will speak from past experience but I can't justify what is right and what is wrong. And I can't justify what happen from one person. I can't!! Thats unfair and not fair for the next person who will come into my life. <br /><br />Whose to say that me and that person who hurt will continue to be friends or not. I believe people change! And when I say I am a person who will be there in the end. I am that person because I am a true friend!!!Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-12677680351657876342011-11-20T17:30:00.000-08:002011-11-20T17:32:35.448-08:00People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how love is so great, but that's bullshit. Love hurts!!! Having a broken heart fucking hurts!!! Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling!!! Your feelings are a part of you. You are your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-21548151892653939312011-11-20T16:39:00.000-08:002011-11-20T16:39:04.699-08:00Estelle - Thank You [Lyric Video]<iframe width="480" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/r40wCY8IIFQ?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen=""></iframe>Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-36298407812739347402011-07-14T17:26:00.000-07:002011-11-20T17:27:22.208-08:00Just a Thought!!I want a late night adventure. I want someone to call me up and say, “I’m outside. Let’s go do something!” I want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. Maybe drive around. Go to a park and just swing on the swings. Maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. I just want a late night adventure with people I like to be around. No drama. Nothing but good vibes and good company.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-22674414769219633272011-06-28T22:50:00.000-07:002011-11-28T15:25:37.215-08:00Venting blog # 1These tears I cry will not seem to pass. These tears I cry are falling, every second of the hour. I asked myself, and I have asked God, WHY ME! I am learning that I can NOT continue to ask God, WHY Me!? Because God has nothing to do with this bad decision. My curious thoughts became my lustful desire. These lustful desire got in the way of my reality and became my choice. I put myself into a messy situation. I knew from the beginning what it would turn out to be. My mind told me several times to stop, but my heart got in the way. My heart wanted to feel my curious thoughts. I wanted to know how good you taste, how your skin felt against mine, and how many times I could make you cum in a minute. However, my heart wanted to stop from being so curious because I got what I wanted and my desire was met. I got selfish and I got greedy, I wanted more and more until that day my heart got ripped into small pieces because you were living out your fantasies with that other girl. The pain hurts soo much to find out, I am not the only girl in your life. Now, my heart wants the pain to stop. My mind is so tired of justifying the bullshit. I am feeling miserable thinking that she just took my place. That she is fulfilling your every desire that I couldnt. That now, I don't matter to you. Because she's everything you you imagine to be. I hope she'll be happy when the truth comes to light. You're the chapter that I'll be closing. I hope you will ne happy to be getting your fifteen minutes of my time, and thoughts cuz once my door is closed it won't be open again. So thank you for making me into the person you see today. Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for letting me see the person you are before getting deeper in love with you. Thank you to myself for helping me learn the differences between love and lust!Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-42402836902185569382011-06-18T17:57:00.000-07:002011-11-20T16:57:47.887-08:00Then you kiss my cheek, my knees get weak, my heart just skipped a beat, So I just froze When you touch me there, I knew you would, and girl you touched me good, I'm like uh-oh. What am I gon do when I can't get anymore, I'd rather not know. Cause, if you wanna know the truth, nobody makes me come like you. I can't let my mind, think of you, I'll hit that dial and get you, on the phone. Cause baby, it's just not the physical, I got with you, I'm addicted to your moan.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-10261948095204815722011-06-14T16:55:00.000-07:002011-11-20T16:56:22.930-08:00I have a Crush on YouI have a crush on you,<br />I know it is for real.<br />Not like any other crushes I used to have,<br />This one I can feel.<br /><br />When you walk by me,<br />My heart start to race.<br />When I stare at you,<br />I feel your warm embrace.<br /><br />We rarely talk at all,<br />Not even a ?hi? down the hall.<br />Then how did I fall for you?<br />How did I know this crush is true?<br /><br />Maybe it’s your smile,<br />And your other that and this.<br />Maybe it’s your eyes,<br />That I just can’t resist.<br /><br />You overflow my head,<br />With your words that I would overheard.<br />I even dream about you,<br />Which I think is just absurd!<br /><br />I know you know,<br />That I have a crush on you.<br />I hope you feel the same,<br />But that’s just too untrue.<br /><br />I finally decided,<br />To tell you how I feel.<br />I just need to know what you?ll say,<br />What you will reveal.<br /><br />You may say ? I’m sorry,<br />I don’t like you at all.?<br />Or a simple ?yes,<br />You?re the girl I’m waiting for?<br /><br />It is worth the try ,<br />And as they always say,<br />Any one can be your friend,<br />But only one, can be your soul mate.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-23508834305225548752011-05-22T10:11:00.000-07:002011-11-20T17:13:28.001-08:00Romantic CollisionIn my mind lies a thought<br />a wonderful assumption<br />of an imaginary bump<br />so delightful and ecstatic<br />coming across my dream love<br />in such romantic collision.<br /><br />With a passionate apology<br />a reciprocating handshake<br />mind blowing flashback<br />placing the familiarity<br />of your captivating beauty<br />in our once but lost<br />thrilling encounter.<br /><br />A look of love at second sight<br />getting acquainted again for love<br />a steady gaze at charming eyes<br />getting carried away by lust.<br /><br />Taking you back to past events<br />our long nice romantic stroll<br />of intense feelings being expressed<br />pleading then to be just a friend<br />when schooling split us up to part,<br />having to see your face no more<br />I’ve longed and longed and waited still<br />for such nice romantic collision.<br /><br />Making sure we part no more<br />and having you all by my side<br />fixing up fast a date with you<br />with hope to see you once again.<br /><br />A sweet share of intense feelings<br />and lovely share of sentiments<br />having such a sweet assumption<br />hold on realistic manifestation<br />of such nice imaginary passion<br />becoming but a true love story<br />of a sweet nice romantic collision.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-31166949450055131222011-05-20T12:00:00.000-07:002011-11-20T17:04:42.915-08:00I like You , but You don't knowBased on a true story!!!<br /><br /><br />When it comes down to it, you are all I even think about.<br />Everything we talk about, I have had the perfect smile on my face.<br />But it really does not matter. ‘Coz I know it will never happen.<br />I got a crush on you…<br /><br />So there is this woman not only is she hot…<br />But she is also amazing, sweet, funny and smart…<br />All I can do is think about her<br /><br /> <br />I think, Man, I wish you were mine.<br /><br />I would rather argue with you than kiss someone else<br />You’re everything I am and how I wish you were here…<br /><br />I am terrific liar, if you think I want to be just friends. Then think again, When I see you, I think, Wow, I got a crush you but were just friends.My mind is saying, You do stupid but my heart saying,Who cares<br />You will never understand how much I have a crush on you..<br /><br />I promised myself that I would put an end to my feelings<br />But its not that easy<br />I can’t help wishing if only you were mine.<br />I have a crush on you…<br />You’re everything and more than just an amazing person …<br /><br />I get so tired of living and covering up for what I cannot hide…<br />So tired up trying to impress even knowing the fact that nothing’s gonna change.<br />Maybe one day I can tell you my full story…<br />However, until then, I will dream and bury you in my heart.<br /><br />Until the time comes that you will read my poetry and knowing, I had a crush on you…Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-90192528204548776722011-04-01T15:28:00.000-07:002011-11-20T17:29:37.140-08:00lyrics for my XDon't you want be strong with me You told me we could have a family Want to run to me when you're down and low But times get tough and there you go Out the door, you wanna run again Open your arms and you'll come back in Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraid Never knew what a friendship was Never knew how to really love You can't be what I need you to And I don't know why i fuck with you I know our love will never be the same But I can't stand the growing pains<br /> <br />Never knew that love could hurt like this Never thought I would but I got dissed Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside Feel embarrassed so I want to hide Silly me I thought your love was true Change my name to Silly E. Badu Before I heal, it's gonna be a while I know it's gonna be a while, chileMs. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-45390268313944051982010-05-31T21:34:00.001-07:002011-11-20T16:51:09.065-08:00First time I realized that I was gay, I had to be about the age of 12 or 13 years old. When I think about it now, its no surprise that my mother knew before I did. As a child, I always played with boys toys but yes! I did play with some Barbie dolls. However, my favorite toy was my race cars. My parents bought me girly toys, but having three god brothers. It was hard not playing with toys that caught my eye. I don't know, but I just loved playing with a boy toys.<br /><br />Its funny to me, how I felt gay all my life but didn't come out until October 14, 2010. Yes!! I waited until I felt comfortable enough to tell the world I was gay. Yet, telling my mother was the very difficult part. Then again, it was funny to me how my mother was waiting for me to tell her that I was gay. My mother told me that she knew, I was gay from my tomboyish clothes to NOT wearing a dress or asking her questions about guys.Sometimes, I did wear what my mother wanted me too, only because, I didn’t want hear her mouth. I think I got confused a lot because I was always trying to please people instead of pleasing myself. <br /><br />I haven't been through drama with telling people that I am gay. I think the only issue that I have had, was telling someone who I thought was my real friend that I was gay. Only to haven't talked to her for three years now. I realize only true friends will walk in when the world walks out.<br /><br />I don't know how to end this but this is the start of me coming out to the worldMs. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-62885533731317434062010-05-31T17:10:00.000-07:002010-05-31T17:24:31.597-07:00Old to New MaterialI didn’t realize that I had blogger.com until one day, I was searching for a new blog website to create. These three entries are my old writing material dated back to 2008. Probably a lot of grammar errors and a lot of misunderstood sentence...lol but I am working on it and I am getting better on the grammar and sentence fragments...lol I will have new blogs posted in due time or some time by the end of the week. Enjoy, what I have so far!!!!Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-39976818307427773782008-07-13T11:27:00.000-07:002008-07-13T11:30:29.562-07:00Tired in Twenty-One WaysI’m tired of waking up in the same f*cking scenery, everyday<br />I’m tired of not seeing myself the way God sees me<br />I’m tired of going to work and dealing with idiots<br />I’m tried of being nice to people<br />I’m tired of people walking all over me<br />I’m tired of being sh*tted on<br />I’m tired of being invisible<br />I’m tired of being overlooked<br />I’m tired of being dependent<br />I’m tired of not being heard<br />I’m tired of being unhappy<br />I’m tired of hating my life<br />I’m tired of being me, sometimes<br />I’m tired of trying and getting nowhere<br />I’m tired of feeling a thousand of tears on my face<br />I’m tired of b*tch-ass people<br />I’m tired of having hate in my heart<br />I’m tired of living in an injustices world<br />I’m tired of being judged base on the color of my skin<br />I’m tired of my own kind looking down at me<br />I’m tired of just being disappointedMs. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-71493184749249843562008-07-10T12:15:00.000-07:002008-07-13T12:43:06.035-07:00My new Image<p>What happened to your hair? What do you mean what happen to my hair? Making this decision I thought about it for along time. I could lose a lot, for example, I could lose my friends, my family members who doesn't accept it, I could lose a good paying job, I could be treated different from people that see me every day, or I could even be mistreated from people that I don't even know. </p> <p>No, I'm not gay…I am talking about what black women think and believe that defines them…their hair. India Arie couldn't have explained it better then I can say it…."I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations, no I am a soul that lives within". On March 7, 2008, I went, and I got my hair locked up because it was time to change my life to become the women that I feel within. So, please don't come up to me asking me why I would want "those dirty" things in my hair. To my understanding, they are not dirty its who and how you maintain them to make them look pretty.<br /></p> I've had only one person who has congratulated me because she to is a black women, and she understands how it feels to be misunderstood of wearing dreadlocks. People don't agree of it because its not the image they see you as. And I thank her for giving me self-reliant to never given in to what people say.<br /><br />Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person? Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity? I am expressing my creativity... If I want shave it off, wear a monk ( soup bowl due), mohawk, dye it red, blue, blond let me because that's my business and not yours. It's just hair and it will grow back. It doesn't take away from the soul that lives within.<br /><br />I don't see what's wrong with expressing who you are withinMs. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443730866462630607.post-41987089349211910022008-06-15T09:40:00.000-07:002008-07-13T12:42:40.351-07:00Happy Father's DayCan't believe its been seven years since the last time I've seen your face. I think about you more each day, but I can't dwell on the past because your not here with me. I can just cherish the precious memories that we shared together to get me through the day. Like Mariah says, And it's true that you've reached a better place/ still I'd give the world to see your face/And be right here next to you/But it's like you're gone too soon/Now the hardest thing to do is say bye-bye.<br /> <br /> -Last night, I saw you in my dreams. Now, I can't wait to go to sleep.<br /> <br /> Happy Father's Day!!<br /> <br /> Love J.C.Ms. LesBe Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13857827720138606360noreply@blogger.com0